Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
