What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
