that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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