i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
