I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
