do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
