I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
People with herpes should wear stickers.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
