Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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