He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Mom said you looked used
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
