oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
