I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
