We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
