i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
