Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
