She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
