Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
