Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you had me at cake vodka
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
