remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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