is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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