she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You've changed since you got that strap on
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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