I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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