We won't sleep together?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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