I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
