I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
