Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
