Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
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