just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
