I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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