Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
