You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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