I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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