Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
