So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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