Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
