i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
they need to just BURY HIM!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
