I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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