Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he just fucked me for my cheese..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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