I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
