What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
