No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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