That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
