Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
