Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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