That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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