If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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