fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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