they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
