Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
