I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
