He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
