everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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