please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
